I'm ok, you're ok, wasn't that one of the first self-help books? So after staying up until 1:30 AM writing about how this isn't really affecting me that badly, I dreamt about cats all night. The weirdest and most disturbing was the dream where I became a vet so that I could do skin transplants on cats. But mine were works of art - stars and stripes and patterns that nature never intended. Someday I should start a dream journal - I have some pretty vivid and wild ones! So I guess my waking self understands, but my heart isn't all the way over it yet.
A lot has happened this week and I'm not sure how to feel. Should I feel sad, or should I feel worried that I don't feel more sad? Should I be mad? Should I be worried? I'll start with tonight and probably jump around in time - it's after midnight and my brain isn't ready to think in a linear fashion.
I went to a church auction tonight as my friend's "date". They auctioned off a cock-a-poo puppy. They had the value listed as $550 and it sold for $800. I felt so sorry for that puppy being passed around all night in that busy, loud place. His description talked about his breeding, size and his low-shedding coat. Not one word about his personality or what kind of home would suit the dog. It made me ill to think that whoever could pay the most would get this guy. What if it does't work out? Would his new family care to know that his "breeder" is actually a known puppy mill? And you can bet that a donated pup wasn't the pick of the litter. I did have an extreme sense of satisfaction when I heard that the puppy had piddled on the first set of bid sheets for the night!
Remember mama kitty and her greasy babies? She is all alone tonight. This morning she had lost 2 more and by this afternoon the last little life was gone. Mama doesn't seem to be that upset by it. I think they know when their babies aren't right. They will abandon one of them if they feel something is wrong with it. I think she knew all along that something was wrong. I think that I knew from the moment that I saw them in the shelter that something was wrong. So while I'm sad that they didn't make it, I'm not distraught. It is hard though to look at this picture of the happy little family, safe from the shelter and blissfully unaware that they had just over a week to be together.
What worries me more is that I lost a kitten today that I hoped I could pull through. Her litter also came from a shelter and were so cute that I couldn't leave them behind. There were six in the litter and about 8 weeks old. Cute, adorable fluffy-butts. But one was clearly more quiet than the others. Then the diarrhea started. Just liquid goop. The fecal was negative, the littermates fecals were negative. She seemed to be getting better, the poop was firming up with pro-biotics and then last night she just looked awful. This morning she went to the vet and her poop was seeming more firmed, but when she had an accident, it was exactly the same form of canned food that went in her mouth. It shot through her body that fast. It's possible that she had a liver-shunt. We've seen other kittens go through this, and she's at that age where it shows up. It's just another birth defect thing and there is no cure. I feel pretty crappy about losing her. I keep replaying it in my mind and it just sucks.
One of our dog fosters lost a dog last night too. I just loved this picture of him. He has caught something in the
shelter and just went downhill so fast. He had a high fever and was suffering and he wasn't going to get better. We had to make the painful decision to end it for him. At least he got to enjoy the sun on his coat and the joy of running around before he got sick. As foster moms, we're very sad that he had to go through that and we are sad for the loss of a fine dog. But as foster moms we are filled with worry about the dogs that he was exposed to. Worry that we'll have to watch this play out again. We relive all the decisions that led up to getting certain animals and wonder if we did the right thing.
That's what keeps you up at night. With a week like this, people who read my blog ask me how I'm handling it, how do I live with this when just reading about it makes them cry. The loss affects me differently on different days. Sometimes it sneaks up on me when I least expect it, but I have seen the people who do this and can't handle loss and truly grieve for each one, but that is so hard to live with. and so hard to keep doing this and not lose your mind. I try really hard to balance my feelings for them with the reality of what I do. They wouldn't call it "animal rescue" if it was just about boarding animals until they could find a home. I adopt out a lot more than I lose, way more than I lose. And on good days I remember all the ones that have found homes. On the bad days I dwell on all the ones who didn't make it. Luckily I have more good days than bad.
One good thing that happened today was that we got a new volunteer! It's interesting trying to evaluate the people who want to help. Everyone who asks to help has a good spot in their heart, we just need to find the ones with that funny spot in their brains that are willing to be a part of this crazy process week after week. So we're not saying that you're insane, just as crazy as the rest of us! She started volunteering because she would read my blog and cry about the stories, so instead of sitting home crying, she wanted to help do something about it. We have many ways for people to help, so if you think that you might want to do more, let me know. We have different jobs based on the different levels of crazy! If you're insane enough, you could take over for me and be the next krazycatlady!
What a beautiful fall day! That meant for a really slow adoption day.
Dogs: CeeCee, Barney & Lainey
Cats: Chester, Frazier & Cedar
CeeCee is a dog that we rescued from a shelter because we were doing an event with senior adoptors so we thought she'd be a fast turn-around. She ended up having a bladder infection, crystals and stones! We did a bladder surgery on her, so our fast turn-around dog was an expensive little thing! She's a cute middle-aged Sheba Inu
Barney the beagle: what a cute sweetie. He just loves being around people and got passed over a lot because he barked at PetSmart all the time.
Lainey the Wheaton Terrier: we found a great family for her 2 weeks ago, but we weren't sure that it would work because Lainey is very attached to other dogs and she was an only dog in her new home. Even though they loved her, they knew that Lainey wasn't happy. In a very neat twist, the owners of one of Lainey's littermates wanted to get their dog a friend! They heard that we had Cosmo and Lainey and now Lainey is at home with her other brother. Cosmo is healing nicely and will be ready for adoption soon. And the nice family that had Lainey for two weeks is planning to adopt a dog that we rescued last week that isn't quite ready to go yet.
Chester: He's the cat that I drove to Columbia to get out of the shelter, then he was adopted right away to a senior woman who wanted a younger, declawed cat. He ended up being too playful for her and so mid-week he got to go home to a family with teenage boys and everyone just loves him! I think we got it right this time.
Frazier: adorable fluffy grey and white kitten - we all wanted the woman who adopted him to pick one of our cats! Great home
Cedar: adorable orange and white girl - the woman who adopted her spotted her right away sleeping in the litterbox. We had to gently awaken her and it was love at first yawn.
We had fun tonight at the Painted Pot. I made a set of cat bowls - anybody shocked? Another crazy cat lady made a pretty kitty treat canister painted like an orange tabby. Another crazy cat lady started making a tuxedo treat jar and ended up just making a black cat. We also got to meet a new volunteer who wanted to work with us after reading the blog! She brought her hubby who made a cool water bowl for their cats, she made a treat jar. Another new volunteer tried out glass mosiac of her daughter and their old cat. Another table made all kinds of really cool halloween stuff - platters and pumpkins. MaryBeth made a really pretty kitty bowl with a diva crown.
It amazed me how many people had read my blog. Everyone wanted to know about mama cat and her grease balls. There are 3 kittens still with us. I have them back home now and time will tell - and smell. They're getting pretty stinky! I've never heard of oily kittens like this.
In one week I get to go pick up my new kitty bowls! I'll take pictures and post them - we're all curious about how they'll turn out!
I saw this one this morning on someone's email tagline. Bold, but I like it:
Sometimes I feel pretty comfortable in my "krazycatlady" role. I've been through a few years of doing rescue and different roles of animal care before that and can handle giving meds, assessing a lot of situations and being someone that people turn to for advice and answers. And proudly I can often give some answers and I know the difference between when I can handle something and when I need to seek answers from others. I've seen a lot - I've seen "limping kitten syndrome", kittens with eye ulcers that look like they're growing another eye or something from outer space, a kitten born with two faces, an xray of a cat that had all of its organs on one side of his body, but this week threw me for a loop!
I saw a cat that was born missing its radius bones. For those of you who don't remember your anatomy, there's two bones in your arm between your elbow and your wrist; the radius is the one that attaches to your thumb and lets your arms "swivel". This cat's paws were bent inward and she walks on her wrists. She was found in a state a lot like Mary and was getting a blood transfusion when I met her.
I had a kitten who was neutered today, but there was a slight problem. He was cryptorchid, which means that one testicle hadn't descended yet, so they had to open him up like a spay to go hunting for it. Well, being a week for oddness, there wasn't a testicle to be found. It's possible that he wasn't born with a pair, but he spent a lot of time under sedation and has a huge incision, poor guy!
I saw kittens at a special foster home for newborns - one was a survivor - three months old now and had been born premature, didn't have all of it's hair yet and she managed to make it live. She also had a kitten that was born with clubbed front paws and no back paws. He was already moving around and getting a callous on stumps and will be able to walk. That's amazing to me.
That makes it harder to think about my last 24 hours. That lady does amazing things to make kittens live and I've just lost 3 of them. The mama cat that I posted pictures of just a few days ago - the proud mama of seven kittens now only has 4 of them. They started getting a wet look about them. Then they started getting greasy, then mom started getting greasy, then they started dying. So I took them in and played stump the vet. The best guess (after a day of research, testing and phone consults) is that they have a certain skin condition - a birth defect. There is no treatment, they will either survive to see if they outgrow it or they won't. It's hard to wait to see what will happen. I like the easy answers - yes, this is treatable or no, this is terminal - I could make the hard decision of dedicating myself to caring for the kittens and making them survive or ending their suffering, but maybe is just days of sucky pain for everyone.
I was so happy I just had to share! I went down to spend my time with Autumn and Winter, the feral kittens. I try to spend five minutes several times a day interacting with them - not enough to overwhelm them, but often enough to not let them backslide. They didn't get as much attention over the weekend because I was camping and coming home to take care of the cats, but they didn't seem to suffer for it. Well, just now Autumn was glad to see me and immediately started purring when I touched her. We've been doing pretty well, so it didn't surprise me until she turned over in my arms for a belly rub! Now that's progress. So I put her back in and got out Winter who is a few days behind Autumn in the taming process. I got my first purrs from her too! She started out with weak little nervous purrs, then I could feel her whole body relax and pretty soon it was geniune "I'm happy" purrs. The best part is that when I put her back in the playpen, she didn't run for a corner, instead she found a toy and started playing. She gets spayed tomorrow, so that can set us back again, but I'd rather have that now than when she's older. I'd guess she'll be adoption ready in 2-3 weeks. Autumn is already on our website, no hits yet, but she'll be the kind of kitten that gets more attention in person.
Mary is still about the same. She has loose stool and her appetite varies. Somedays she barely eats and then last night she ate all her food and drank all her water. Some days she's grooming, other days she looks scruffy. She has a lot of recovering to do.
Gandolf is a snuggle baby. He has a lot of hair to grow back after being de-matted, but boy is he a lover. He has a strange little meow that's barely audible. I love to snuggle that guy!
Then there's Titan - the bengal. He has a loud meow and I can hear him demanding my presence as I type. He is a sweetie that I hope finds a home fast. He really wants to be with people all the time and isn't patient about waiting his turn. His sister seems to be fine with it. She likes me, but doesn't demand things.
Sparky got brought back from PetSmart for having eye goobies. We've been treating with eye ointment and she's looking better. Last night I sat with her for about 20 minutes and she just cuddled and purred the whole time. Someone is going to be getting a great lap cat, I hope she gets adopted too, she deserves more attention than what she can get in foster care. She's another one on my list of cats that I would keep. Too bad that list is way too long for my own good!
Reese's Pieces got spayed yesterday but has coccidia. We treated for that today and hopefully it'll clear up quickly and she can go to her new home. She's another snuggle baby. My daughter has taken over snuggle duty for her and spends quite a bit of time with her every day. Reese never wants to see her leave - another lap cat up for grabs!
Remington's drama last week of driving around Troy has led to an upper respiratory infection. Poor baby is back on antibiotics and not happy about being isolated in a cage and being pinned down for medicine. He'll still purr for me, so we haven't gone too far back on our progress, poor guy!
I get a kick out of seeing people up at PetSmart and they ask about the cats from my blog by their names so I thought I'd give a quick update for the ones that seem to have their own fans!
Aren't they all so cute? I know they're behind bars in these pictures, but they're happy at their foster mom's house having playtime in the yard and they were all getting too close to me in the yard to take pictures, so I did the next best thing. They were all scared and stressed in the shelter, but so happy, relaxed and just being dogs out in the play yard!
We went in a couple of times this week to put our names on dogs and to consider what we were taking, the pros and cons of different ones. Well, having our names on some of these guys saved their lives. Friday when we picked them up was a "kill day" and in the afternoon the shelter was much quieter and emptier. It really hit home for us that we are truly saving lives. It kills us to go in and see the empty cages knowing that they were full just that morning. Knowing that yesterday we looked into their eyes and there was nothing we could do to help all of them. So we save who we can and do the best we can do and try to save the ones who would have the best chance of getting adopted so that we can go back and save more.
I saw something in the cat room that I couldn't pass up - Mom and newborn kittens. They couldn't remember which day they were born, but I'm guessing it was only about 2 days ago. Mom didn't have a nest box so the kittens were everywhere in the cage (including in the litter box) and was in a room full of cats and next to the room with all the barking dogs. I had to get her out of there. As they were pulling the kittens out they were counting - SEVEN of them! Poor mama! She doesn't have a name yet, but I'm sure she'll let me know what it is soon. She seems to like it here and is very sweet. She loves canned food too.
What a beautiful weekend for people to enjoy with their new dogs! My family went camping, but I came back to help out at adoptions and take care of cats.
Dogs: Sampson, Lemon, Jerry Lee, Peanut
Cats: Zeke, Pom Pom, Fluffy, Gloria, Duma, Swala, Mandy
Sampson: Sweet black lab - his new parents just lost their long-time companion and immediately fell in love with him. He is a pampered pup now - their shopping cart was overflowing with new toys and beds
Lemon: sweet little yellow beagle who charmed his way into a new home. He didn't like all the commotion at his foster home so we're happy to see that he'll get more individual attention now
Jerry Lee: everyone who handles our phones and emails is happy to see that he got a home! He's an imported purebred German Shepard Dog and we got a dozen inquiries about him each day. We were looking for a very special home for him and we wouldn't settle for anything less than a perfect match. His former owner died from a drug overdose, so Jerry Lee has a much better shot at a good future
Peanut: terrier mix, cute little pup that got adopted by a co-worker of his foster mom
Zeke: he came from a hoarding situation and really got to blossom in foster care. At the adoption event on Saturday he got passed around from lap to lap for about an hour. We really hoped that he'd get adopted before October since he's mainly black, but his tummy is almost all white!
Pom Pom & Fluffy: very fuzzy kittens got to go home together!
Gloria: dilute calico -she really picked her new mom. Earlier in the day she didn't want to be held but when this woman came in and picked up Gloria, she wouldn't let the cage door close without jumping back onto her new mom - just another case of the cat picking their new owner
Duma & Swala: They went home together. The woman came in for one cat and just fell in love. It didn't take much to talk her into the benefits of a pair. It was very hard to see them go since they were some of my favorite fosters!
Mandy: The only adult cat to get adopted recently. What a great story - the adoptors had taken in a shy cat before and loved it for life, so they felt that they should try to look for a cat that would have a harder time getting adopted. Mandy is terrified of PetSmart and is a sweet girl, but will take some time to get used to a new situation. Luckily she has had some guardian angels in her life that led her to Heartland and then brought this wonderful couple to love her.
Buffy and Spike had quite a fun wrestling session today! This is why we like to adopt in pairs - they have this intense kitten energy and if they don't have another kitten they will find other ways to release this. Some owners don't think that their ankles make a good wrestling substitution! And don't worry about Buffy in this picture, right after I took it she attacked him right back!
